Should I stay or should I go

THREAD AUTHOR

curvychick Toronto, Ontario Canada

[top] Mon Oct 27, 2008 2:12 PM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

Ok, so I am really going out on a limb and needing some advice......this is the scenario.....

I met someone about 7 years ago.... we hit it off however, never did I take it as him coming on to me....just thought he was a nice guy.... (I am naiive like that...)
(we are in the same cottage community).......so, for about 2 years, I would see him and want to find out where he was staying....cause I wanted to know more of him.....never found him and so, I gave up....thinking I was taking this wayyyy more personal.....and I was never his type anyways.... (girls think like that)

for the next few years, I was focusing on other matters in my life and never thought about it again...

just recently, I bumped into him again ..... he makes it an effort to come and seek me and after 7 hours of talking...(yep SEVEN HOURS) he tells me that he's been crazy for me since the first day...........

however, my LUCK has it that he ended up being in a relationship and is now wanting to NOT be with her anymore..... it's been a struggle for about a year now and he's just not happy.....

I have an issue with this and told him that unless he is "free" I cannot take this further cause just in our talks, I am very interested.....however, we have talked over the phone MANY times, sent each other texts and pretty much say g'nite to each other every night for the last month or so...and g'morning.... with that,. I am starting to LIKE this guy ALOT....more than I probably think....

He DID tell me that for now, "we" have to take it easy cause it isn't fair for him and I to start something when he hasn't ended what is going on in his life at this moment......

he lives about an hour away from me ....... finally calls me one day and we make plans to meet...that he would love to have a beer with me and just sit and chit chat....ok, so I Am thinking "I am soooooooo ready for this...."

he comes over, we talk.....and talk.........aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand talk......for another SIX hours...about personal things, life, us, him, me....the whole enchilada....and it was actually COMFORTING to know that we can have great conversation and refreshing to know that relationships DO take time...and getting to know one another is the first step to MAYBE something wonderful???

I truly believe this was his way of telling me what was going on......and it was not with alterior motives..........(EG: just for a roll in the hay) Gotta give him KUDOS for at least having the common courtesy to talk to me face to face and not tell me over the phone....

I would have LOVED to take it further but I didn't......nor did he...

so, this is it.....

do I wait to see what develops out of this.....and halt any/all other dates that may pass OR do I take it with a grain of salt and carry on?????

Me NOT taking the initiative with him...does that make me a tease or does that make HIM wanting to know me further....

This is nuts cause I don't think I have LIKED someone as much as him.....in SUCH a long time...... and just SEEING him makes me weak in the knees....

worst part? never thought someone can make me feel like that again...weird huh?

ok, so any opinion is appreciated....

Cheers

Curvy

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Lonely1 Ottawa, Ontario Canada

[top] Mon Oct 27, 2008 6:39 PM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

ohhh....this sounds like heaven.

But I am a man, so my lips are sealed.

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gemery Williams Lake, British Columbia Canada

[top] Mon Oct 27, 2008 6:49 PM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

All good....except for one thing, he is in a relationship.........I really think that needs to be resolved in his life first.

geo

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mychelle Toronto, Ontario Canada

[top] Mon Oct 27, 2008 6:55 PM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

The man is in another relationship, and he need to make the right decisions, which he is not able to make at the moment. So, the thing for you to do is to let him be, on his own, away from him, until he does make up his mind. If you encourager his to continue talking the long hours of chat then he will see no reason why he can't have his cake and eat it too if he is encouraged that is, so let him be.

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Blond32 saskatoon, Saskatchewan Canada

[top] Mon Oct 27, 2008 7:06 PM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

I have been there, and done that. And in the end, you have to let the guy straighten out his life before you can have anything with him. As hard as it is, if it was meant to be it will happen. But if he is seriously unhappy with where he is at in the other relationship, he needs to deal with it. Good luck.

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wikked Ajax, Ontario Canada

[top] Mon Oct 27, 2008 10:53 PM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

gemery: All good....except for one thing, he is in a relationship.........I really think that needs to be resolved in his life first.

geo

I have to agree here....until he breaks off whatever relationship he is not happy in....he should be off limits...

Put yourself in "her" shoes (there are always two sides to every coin...) would you not want your partner to put an end to it if his interests are elsewhere and stop stringing you along?

Adding a third party does not help to resolve whatever issues he has at home...it just makes it more difficult for ALL parties involved...

Been there...done that doll...someone always gets way too hurt in the end...

Hugz to you girlfriend...I know you'll do the right thing...

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Katine76again Moncton, New Brunswick Canada

[top] Tue Oct 28, 2008 6:11 PM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

Tough call, especialy when both have feelings involved and one or both are already in relationships.

I think you should definatly take it easy and one day at a time and stick to your guns about waiting for him to be sure its over between him and the other before persuing anything together.

Rebounds are a bitch and you wouldn't want to be caught in the crossfire. Remember that!

Keep contact and communications lines open and who knows what destiny will have for both of you.

Just be careful and take it easy!

Good Luck!!

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punchingodo to be announced, Saskatchewan Canada

[top] Wed Oct 29, 2008 11:45 PM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

Dear Curvy,
He is cheating on his girlfriend with you! Ever hear of emotional infidelity. Just because there has not been any 'pole in hole' action yet does not make this innocent in the slightest. I agree with others who recommend you put yourself in her shoes. Remember most cheaters start out this way. Trust me girl, if he would do it to her, he would also do it to you. I sincerely hope you find someone who is truly available and worth your time. Good luck and take care.

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curvychick Toronto, Ontario Canada

[top] Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:15 AM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

I have taken all the advice I have been given.....and I have come to a conclusion....

conclusion is this:

I am going to date other men.....JUST DATE! and I am gonna REMOVE myself from lengthy conversations and any other source of communication that will or MIGHT further my interest in him...

the whole time I was thinking...hmmm, THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO NOT right.....

someone said "having his cake and eating it too"..that statement isn't any further from the truth!

thanks guys....it's truly appreciated....

Wikked knows me well....yeah, I WILL and DID make the right decision.....

cheers and all of you, have a great morning!

Curvy

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kidatheart Southern BC/Lamont, Alberta Canada

[top] Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:25 AM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

curvychick: I have taken all the advice I have been given.....and I have come to a conclusion....

conclusion is this:

I am going to date other men.....JUST DATE! and I am gonna REMOVE myself from lengthy conversations and any other source of communication that will or MIGHT further my interest in him...

the whole time I was thinking...hmmm, THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO NOT right.....

someone said "having his cake and eating it too"..that statement isn't any further from the truth!

thanks guys....it's truly appreciated....

Wikked knows me well....yeah, I WILL and DID make the right decision.....

cheers and all of you, have a great morning!

Curvy

Hello

Sucks sometimes, the people we like aren't the ones we can be with, for many reasons. Sounds like you've made a good choice.

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curvychick Toronto, Ontario Canada

[top] Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:44 AM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

kidatheart: Hello

Sucks sometimes, the people we like aren't the ones we can be with, for many reasons. Sounds like you've made a good choice.

yep, sure does suck! oh well, c'est la vie!

thanks

.............

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wikked Ajax, Ontario Canada

[top] Thu Oct 30, 2008 1:55 PM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

Curvy...he still may be the one for you...but he's NOT the one for you RIGHT NOW...

only time will tell...perhaps if he feels the same way you do about him it will encourage him to also do the right thing...

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lukn4gentleeyes Brampton, Ontario Canada

[top] Thu Nov 20, 2008 3:51 AM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

is he married? does he have kids?

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walley golden, British Columbia Canada

[top] Thu Nov 20, 2008 9:25 AM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

you wold be come the implement to the destrukshon of a merrige your morels and skroopls wold make your conchence bother you or i wold hope it wold bother you

ive had this done to me my kids suferd as well as i have from my ex wifes cheating and the other giys it dident bother them waht thay did as it takes 2 not a good thing to have to do to a famly evin if thay want to hert the peple thay are suposto love

wate tell thay leave ther merrige but take worning if thay are willing to doo this to ther wife or husbund it will be a short time be fore thay will do the same to you and you will be on the reseaving end of this hert full selfish ackshon

not a good plan

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mychelle Toronto, Ontario Canada

[top] Thu Nov 20, 2008 2:23 PM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

walley: you wold be come the implement to the destrukshon of a merrige your morels and skroopls wold make your conchence bother you or i wold hope it wold bother you
ive had this done to me my kids suferd as well as i have from my ex wifes cheating and the other giys it dident bother them waht thay did as it takes 2 not a good thing to have to do to a famly evin if thay want to hert the peple thay are suposto love wate tell thay leave ther merrige but take worning if thay are willing to doo this to ther wife or husbund it will be a short time be fore thay will do the same to you and you will be on the reseaving end of this hert full selfish ackshon
not a good plan

That is so true what you just said. When some folks are having fun with their rendevous, they don't think about the consequences to their family and their children.

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wikked Ajax, Ontario Canada

[top] Fri Nov 21, 2008 6:10 AM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

walley: you wold be come the implement to the destrukshon of a merrige your morels and skroopls wold make your conchence bother you or i wold hope it wold bother you
ive had this done to me my kids suferd as well as i have from my ex wifes cheating and the other giys it dident bother them waht thay did as it takes 2 not a good thing to have to do to a famly evin if thay want to hert the peple thay are suposto love wate tell thay leave ther merrige but take worning if thay are willing to doo this to ther wife or husbund it will be a short time be fore thay will do the same to you and you will be on the reseaving end of this hert full selfish ackshon
not a good plan

I agree with you Walley...but i just want to add one thing....Curvy would not become the implement of destruction to that marriage...that marriage is already destroyed....and was destroyed the moment he strayed outside of his marriage to find female company other than his wife's....

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walley golden, British Columbia Canada

[top] Fri Nov 21, 2008 11:02 PM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

hi wikked im sher that curvychik wold not poot her self in that posishon as i have wred meny of her posts and she seams to have a hart and conchence good morels and skroopls as well do to her sytarting this thred asking for ideas or advice from all of us and she got a lott of good advice from evry one on this subjekt and good poyint that the merrig is over when he stept over the line like i sed he did it to his wife he will doo it to his new girlfrend in time 9 times out of 10

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wikked Ajax, Ontario Canada

[top] Sat Nov 22, 2008 7:02 AM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

walley: hi wikked im sher that curvychik wold not poot her self in that posishon as i have wred meny of her posts and she seams to have a hart and conchence good morels and skroopls as well do to her sytarting this thred asking for ideas or advice from all of us and she got a lott of good advice from evry one on this subjekt and good poyint that the merrig is over when he stept over the line like i sed he did it to his wife he will doo it to his new girlfrend in time 9 times out of 10

Hi Walley

I only mentioned Curvy in this thread as it was her story....but what i meant in my reply to you is that i DO NOT blame the third party in an affair...regardless of who it is.

If a man/woman cheats on their spouse...the person they are cheating with i could say has no morals or scruples to become involved with someone they know is married, but they owe that person nothing...it is the married person who chose to step outside the boundaries of marriage that is to blame...and that is why i said that the marriage was destroyed long before a third party got involved....

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walley golden, British Columbia Canada

[top] Sun Nov 23, 2008 4:51 PM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

abselootly agree with you on all poyints as some times the 3rd party dosent kno about the first party witch is exsqusebell but if the 3 party is invalved and knows about the oter person being merryd or other atachet ther not at falt as mutch as the person hoo has willing ly stept over the line

exsampl my brother desided that my girl frend of 6 months was waht he wanted so he destroyd ower realashon ship as well as my girlfrend was unfathfull and thay both very disawnest and liyd to me if thay had bean awnest to me told the trooth it wold have hert for a bitt but i probibly wold have bean ok with it and wisht them the best

and my merrig well thats almost the same but difrent againe lol o well on with life

some relitiv exsamles lol i think

ummmmmmmmmmmmm i think thats it but i totly agree wikked

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wikked Ajax, Ontario Canada

[top] Mon Nov 24, 2008 11:22 AM CST : Should I stay or should I go........

walley: abselootly agree with you on all poyints as some times the 3rd party dosent kno about the first party witch is exsqusebell but if the 3 party is invalved and knows about the oter person being merryd or other atachet ther not at falt as mutch as the person hoo has willing ly stept over the line exsampl my brother desided that my girl frend of 6 months was waht he wanted so he destroyd ower realashon ship as well as my girlfrend was unfathfull and thay both very disawnest and liyd to me if thay had bean awnest to me told the trooth it wold have hert for a bitt but i probibly wold have bean ok with it and wisht them the best and my merrig well thats almost the same but difrent againe lol o well on with life

some relitiv exsamles lol i think

ummmmmmmmmmmmm i think thats it but i totly agree wikked

Hey Walley...

For sure when the cheaters are friends/relatives the hurt is that much more because they are people you trusted...and you are very generous to say had they told the truth, you would have dealt with it in time....unfortunately part of the appeal of an affair is the "forbidden", which leads me to believe that what you brother and your ex g/f entered into was not "real"....

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